the ugly truth

is about to be exposed...i was given one of these...by my friend, Kim .... SOO.....

1.i've NEVER thought of myself as artistic (some of you may be nodding in agreement here), but i am starting to....i really FEEL it, and that's what matters, right? right.

2. we are living on one income, basically (i sub. teach), and it kind of blows. i mean, i am super grateful for all that we have, but it would be sure nice to have some extra $$ for a vacation.

3. speaking of vacations, i haven't been on one in many, many years. my husband was in the Air Force, so we moved around a bit, but i wouldn't call it "vacationing"..lol. this is a sad fact. and we NEED one.

4. i lost my best friend last year. she and her husband and daughter came to visit us for a month, and it was like starting a pressure cooker. we got on eachother's nerves so bad, and our friendship ended b/c of it.

5. i cry a LOT. i am so emotional, and always have been. i was painfully shy as a child, and if i ever felt like i was in trouble, had let anyone down, was embarassed, i would just lose it. i am not shy like that anymore, but i still cry a lot. and i usually do so for a good hour on thursday nights (8pm central time-ABC...you know what i'm talking about) it's cathartic, though, and i think i NEED to be this way. i also feel the need to "talk it out" about nearly everything. poor eric. seriously. i try to reign it in, but it's hard. i need to write it in my "bitch book" instead.

6. i can not imagine life without my boys. if i achieve nothing more than being the best mother i can be to them, that will be enough. it scares me how many people don't take parenting as seriously as they should.

7. i don't know how much i weigh. it's been too long since i've been to the dr. (i know, i know...i need to go). i NEVER thought i would have weight issues. i was so stick thin growing up, and even as a senior in high school, i barely weighed enough to donate blood. i just don't pay enough attention to what i eat. i mean, i do eat tons of healthy things (key word: tons), but i don't restrict myself, like, at all. i love food so much, and, for example, i'm having a glass of wine right now. i need to address this, and start walking my 'hood again. it's really hilly, and a great workout. i am the queen of excuses.

8. i graduated college at 28. i dropped out my first time around, and started back after i had Eli, and just kept at it until i finally graduated last year. i remember once taking an exam and my boobs were hurting soo bad b/c i NEEDED to get home and feed Silas. i think doing it this way makes me appreciate it so much more, though. and i graduated high school at 17, and was seriously not ready to take life seriously. at least i try to take it seriously now...sometimes.

9. i NEED to be working full-time, but just can't seem to get a job. and i don't know if it's just the economy, or if i'm not giving it my all b/c i'm terrified. i stayed home with eli until he went to Kindergarten, and i feel like i'm short-changing silas if i don't do the same. i am terrified of not having enough time to do the things that make me happy, terrified of missing my time with silas, terrified of workplace politics, terrified of failing.

10. i used to make fun of people who had "online friends". ok, maybe not make fun, but i certainly thought it was slightly ridiculous. now, i know some of the kindest people on earth, and i've met them online. i've been so fortunate to have met such supportive, friendly, beautiful women in this scrapbooking world online. it makes me grateful for the internet that i can be introduced to such different people, all over the world, and know that we are all linked by not only our common interest, but just by our humanity. we can all be insecure, scared, jealous, depressed, and so on and so forth. it sure helps, though, to hear a kind word from others who are feeling or have felt the same thing. you lades are amazing, and i am lucky to call you friends.